Like a Deer Caught In the Flashbulbs

Has anyone else noticed the great preponderance of dead deer looking up at us quite deathly from the very pages of our evil corporate rival The News-Item?

What in God’s Green Earth is so great about killing an animal that it merits a picture and a congratulations below to the hunter (or huntress!) in the local paper?

Does anyone else out there think these pictures look ridiculous? Like when it’s a 10-year old girl holding up the head of an 8-point buck she just supposedly shot in the woods with her drunken old man. This is news? This is sad.

I’m sure if we went back through 2009 and counted the pictures in The News-Item, busted drug dealers and dead deer would be neck and neck for most glossies.

Weird thing is, most of the time, the look in the eyes of both the dealers and the deer are the exact same. Funny how things can be like that, huh?

Well, ok, now we know FOR SURE that in the Shamokin area we DO NOT like drug dealers NOR do we like deer that are alive and prancing innocently about, perhaps foraging for food for their family.

“Fucking kill Bambi and let’s get the hell home, Junior! I’m freezing out here without my long-johns!”

Guess I just don’t know what I’m missing as a hunter. I prefer to be a ninja at times, they can actually hurt people although I generally don’t (at least physically). Ninjas are never cold either, or need to hide in blinds. Just some of the perks.

Now don’t go thinking I’m all crazy and shit about ninjas. I just watch too many movies and read too much, that’s all. I had to give my Nun-chucks to the cops a few years ago as evidence and they never gave them back! Bastards.

All I have left are my Shurikens, but I only throw them at trees and people who piss me off.

I was talking about deer, right? Hey, I know venison is good eatin’. But the pictures are plain stupid. There must be better stories out there to cover besides posing with dead animals. I mean really.

This town ain’t THAT small.

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