When Coal Region Marriages Go Sour

Unfortunately, over 77% of marriages that take place in the coal region end up in divorce or separation.

(This is yet another statistic which I have made up).

Early Pregnancy

Many young people in our area feel that it is necessary to bear children before the age of eighteen and then marry the (alleged) father. Wrong answer, my dears. Not only will you end up divorcing, but you will most likely end up stabbing your hot, young neighbor chick down the street for banging your man while you were pregnant.

Many young mothers also feel that if they keep “popping” out kids that the welfare system will continue to give them more cash assistance. Maybe they feel that they or their husbands will never have to work, at least full time, as long as they’re on their backs, producing.

Livin’ Off the State: A Shamokinite Retirement Plan

Many states have implemented the “two and done” rule (as I like to refer to it). That means that a mother can continue to give birth to as many children as she likes, but the state will not pay out any more support for more than two. This is not yet in effect in PA, but if it ever is, not only marriages will decline, but contraceptive product sales will greatly increase.

Another completely different situation with coal region marriages are that the person you are to marry most likely has already had sex with at least 4 or 5 people that you know. That can’t make it any easier over the years, holding that over your spouse’s head. It begins to “weigh” on the mind.

My Best Advice Is…

My best advice to my loyal readers is this: if you DO decide to go ahead with marrying someone you’ve grown up with, someone you’ve known a long time and think that their sexual history is in the past — GOOD LUCK! It’s very difficult to overcome the fierce feelings of hate that wash over you when every time you go to Wal Mart you see at least 2 people that your current husband has had sex with previously.

If you really believe that marriage is your only chance at happiness, first, you really are a fool, and second, at least try to find someone outside a 50-mile radius of your hometown.

Maybe then you’ll only have a 70% chance of marriage failure.

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